my life is a tepid sea

my life is a tepid sea of mediocrity and discontent

a savanna of apathy and indecision with rage lurking in the undergrass.

dry desiccated remains turn to choking dust underfoot as it makes it's quarry.

I can feel it.. hunting me, stalking my people.
come quick.. under my wing, out of way of harm
for it's skill is keen - the word is haste, and the action.. sharp
my want is to protect, yet... somehow.. i secretly hope.. i quietly wish..

I feel the guilt gnawing. out spot, out. it knows i want this, all of this.

i relish the roar and screams and viceration.

i see it, staring. eyes cold and empty and dark,
creeping closer.. sinew and muscle strained tense and flexed in anticipation..

i do not pity them.



..i call to them in stead..

the pattern #2007.01.06

my mind has been on the prowl again lately and i wonder if i will live to see the connection.

i started reading again (my latest is the "theory of [nearly] everything" by robert oerter.) and even though the work does give more insight into quantum mechanics, field theory, and.. gravity; it leaves out the metaphysical factors.

a book that came a bit closer in my research was "blink" which deals with subconcious cognition, stating that it is as accurate as concious laboured thought. is it possible to know an answer the moment you ask the question?

i believe so.

in fact, i believe that if you were to formulate a question, you already have the answer, for on some subconcious level, you use the answer the help you define the parameters of the question.

what is the link between science and the arts? is there such a thing as the human factor or are we all just the sums of our environments and experiences? where does free will come in?

a quote from the movie "π" (pi) follows:

one: mathematics is the language of nature
two: everything around us can be represented and understood through numbers
three: if you graph the numbers of any system, patterns emerge

therefore

there are patterns everywhere in nature..

the funny thing about patterns.. they are not random. a human being is a natural system. free will is a natural system... or is it just a hoax, a dogma that empowers people the falsely believe that they are 'in control'. is it not just nothing more than a very complex pattern.. that keeps repeating, with minor interferences resulting in more complex, but still predictable patterns, like the many waves in a pond when several stones are tossed in. i can see mandelbrot's fractal self-symmetry in my own life, in my actions. can you?

do you have control?
or does your life too run on auto?

my hart is 'n painter

my hart is 'n painter
en hy paint vannaand vi jou.

vir jou wil ek red
en yellow,
sommer-so in die go.

tyd sal sorg vi die pers
en
tyd sal sorg vi die blou.

ek kannie net vir jou paint nie,
so moenie groen wees as ek go

ek spaar 'n oranje sonskyndag
in my hart
net vi jou.